Penis Envy.

I have a severe case of penis envy at the moment. I love a man’s penis when it is fully erect. I love its silky hardness, its tensile strength and its solid weight. I love its aerodynamic shape which glides through vaginal tissue like a hot knife through butter. I love the way it accelerates like a Ferrari from flaccid to erect, in seconds. I love the way it twitches and pulses on ejaculation.

It is a beautifully engineered piece of equipment. There is nothing in the world quite like it. A dildo, no matter how realistic, does not come close. One could argue that a dildo is always erect, therefore always ready for action, but where is the fun in that? It is the fact that erections are not a permanent state of affairs that make them so special.

If I had a penis I would take regular breaks while at the office to nip to the gents and stroke it into hardness. I would knit it woolly covers to keep it warm in the winter and let it hang out my fly to catch a tan in the summer. I would hang weights off it to strengthen it, and then do penis stands when it was strong enough to support my body weight.

I wish I had a penis…but not if it meant giving up my clit. Nothing is worth that sacrifice.

Sharing.

I never understand why two or more women share one man. If anything men should share a woman, especially a woman who has reached her sexual peak. I am less than two years away from mine and I am already seriously thinking of looking for a younger man for some threesome sex.

My boyfriend is getting on a bit since he hit his mid-thirties—not able to cum three, four times a night like he used to. He is also now too controlled for my liking. He mostly orgasms when he wants to, and not when I want him to. Years ago I had several tricks up my sleeve and could surprise him into cumming at my will; now he knows them all – even the thing I do with my vagina when I am on top.

I do not want to let him go—I love him too much. And a younger man would not have his particular expertise. I just need a boy toy, someone young enough for me to play my tricks on.
My boyfriend is the jealous sort and will not like another man in bed with us. But it is not as if I am asking him to sleep with the other man. I simply want my boyfriend’s expertise and a younger man’s enthusiasm; his supreme control and a younger man’s lack of control; his one or two orgasms and a younger man’s five or six.

Or they could just make a man sandwich with me in the middle as the filling.

Bedtime Erotica for Men

Mason’s impressive record of sexual conquests at the office is almost flawless, but he has to sleep with overweight Hailey to achieve the perfect score. Identical twins Sunflower and Daffodil are inseparable, they share everything, including men. Graham gives into temptation and samples a few of his barely legal students. Tariq is attracted to both his girlfriend Angel and his best friend Raymond, he doesn’t know if he is gay, bi-sexual or merely confused. Shawn has earned his nickname ‘The Dog’, there are very few women he considers off-limits, even his youthful great-aunt. Plagued by erotic equine dreams which make her horny, virginal Abigail allows Frank, the farmhand, to sate her rampaging desires. Sugar is every man’s nightmare, a woman who will give you one memorable taste of her sweetness and then move on.

Lexy Harper has tapped into her ‘inner man’ for these seven stories which make up the third book of her Bedtime Erotica series. They are written with men in mind but women will find them equally satisfying.

Bedtime Erotica for Freaks (like me)

In Bedtime Erotica, Lexy Harper exposed her softer side and demonstrated her ability to write imaginative romantic erotica. Bedtime Erotica for Freaks (like me) verves off in a completely different direction. Lexy turns up the heat considerably, revealing her darker, freakier, unromantic side in these short stories. Seven women who follow their sexual destinies, taking pleasure where they find it - damn the consequences and everyone else! Vanessa lives out her sexual fantasies. Amanda gets the man she wants while in disguise. Geraldine hates being a prostitute but is very good at it. Indra’s job as a chatline operator gives her the opportunity to experience her fisting fantasy. Nectar takes the term ‘breast-feeding is best’ very literally. Antonia lives a completely hedonistic life. Samantha is bent on wrecking homes with her special friend The Home Wrecker.

Vanessa, Amanda, Geraldine, Indra, Nectar, Antonia, Samantha - VAGINAS. This book is all about pussy!

Bedtime Erotica

Valerie acts out her husband’s ultimate fantasy as a special birthday gift to him but neither realizes how dangerous it is to play with fire. Alyson’s twin fantasy is one small step away from becoming a reality; she just has to convince Darren that two heads are better than one. Tonya has always been daddy’s good little girl, when she discovers that he is a hypocrite, she follows her natural urges. Suzette’s curiosity gets the better of her and she finds herself totally mesmerized by Mackenzie’s seductive charms. Darleen is used to pussy-whipping young men into submission but she might have bitten off more than she can chew with Carl. Elizabeth is so sexually frustrated that she has resorted to using fruit and vegetables, unaware that her neighbour Jonathan is dying to give her a taste of the real thing. Emma’s husband has left her on the shelf, now Samuel, a much younger man wants to take her down and dust her off. Honey is on the verge of her first 10” dick sighting but Richard is playing hard to get.

These eight women embark on sexual adventures that will change their lives forever. So slip under the covers, book in hand, glass of wine on your bedside table, partner or favourite close by and let them take you on their pleasure-filled journeys.

If we had sex....

1. Would you be in control? I like a strong man - if you are weak I would strap on a dildo and give you one for being a weak fucker.

2. Would you let me pull your hair? Pull my hair and and I'll pull your balls.

3. Would you whisper in my ear? No, I'd growl.

4. Would you talk dirty to me? That's the only way I talk, baby.

5. Would you kiss me with a little tongue or a lot of tongue? Lots of tongue, sugar.

6. Would you say my name? If I remember it.

7. Would you go down on me? Up and down.

8. Would you let me give you a hickie? Hickies are for high-school. If you gave me a hickie my other lovers would get jealous.

9. How many rounds would we go? How many can you go in one night?

10. What would you wanna do afterwards? Have sex.

11. Would you take off all ur clothes then take mine off slowly? I'd rip yours off - I wear very little.

12. Would you lick and bite me all over? Bite you all over, lick your asshole especially.

13. Would you like 2 play or get straight to the point? Get to the point.

14. Would you want me to take my time? No.

15. Would u fall asleep when we were done? No, when you are tired I would go find someone else to fuck.

16. Would u want me to go fast or slow? Hard and fast.

17. Where would u wanna "do it" at? In a public place.

18 Would u be loud or quiet? Loud.

19. Would you mind if i licked you? You had better.

20. Would you do it 2day? Yes.

21. Would you do it 2morrow? Yes.

22. Are you going to re-post these so I can answer them for you? Yes.

Is your cock not working as it should?

Then it’s time to diversify. A tongue is a useful tool – use it like a lethal weapon! Think about it, why are pussies a little salty? Because they were made to be eaten! If your tongue wasn’t meant to go into a pussy it would be square-tipped not tapered at the end. Trust me, pussies were made to be tongue-fucked!

You have eight mini-penises at the end of your hands. Okay six if you leave out the little fingers – use them. Personally, I think that men don’t finger-fuck enough! Me, I love to be finger-fucked. Matter of a fact, no man is pushing his big cock into me without giving me a couple of fingers first. My current man: he has to give me three fingers before he can get his cock into me. Yes, his cock is big! Please don’t hate! I had to test-drive a lot of small-cock fuckers to finally get this big-cocked ‘freak’. And please cut your nails and smoothen the edges before you insert them, the last thing you want is to cut the woman’s pussy with a sharp edge. When I meet a man for the first time I look at his nails – if they are dirty I don’t give him the time of day.

Don’t be afraid to let your woman bring her dildo or vibrator to bed. She is more likely to leave you for another man than for a Rampant Rabbit Thrusher . Although these fuckers are bad! If you are really brave use to link to see the bad boy in action.

Cheers!

Is your man bored with your pussy?

Men love new pussy, so if your man is bored with your pussy don’t despair. In an ideal world you would throw away your current pussy and buy a nice new one, but sadly this is not an option. So, what do you do? Fool him into thinking that he is getting new pussy.

First, cease giving him the pussy with immediately effect! Sometimes your pussy will feel new to him after he has been denied it for even a few days. If you usually shave your pussy, let some hair grow back on it – it will feel like a different pussy to him (unless he hates pubic hair). If you have lots of pubic hair, shave it – again it will feel like new pussy to him. My man, he loves a big curly Afro (he’s a freak) but I trim my pussy hairs every now and then just so that he can feel like he is getting new pussy.

There is nothing like a tight pussy, so start doing your pussy aerobics and get that pussy as tight as possible. Occasionally give him a semi-dry pussy, the added friction will make him think he is getting new tight pussy. Use sexual positions that show your pussy at its best: ride him, put your feet on his shoulders – whatever. If you are a fuller-figured woman and you can’t do anything but the missionary position, don’t worry - just try to bring your knees up a bit…the higher the knee, the tighter the pussy.

Good luck!

Bored at work?

Ladies, do you have a mind-numbing 9-5? Spice it up by wearing a Remote Controlled Vibro Thong or taking an insertable remote controlled vibrator to work. If you work in an open plan office the hands-free Pulsating & Vibrating Thong might be more appropriate.

So, guys, the next time you notice a female colleague smiling secretly or laughing her head off for no apparent reason, chances are she is self-pleasuring at her desk – right before your very eyes!

Porn

Rather than get out of bed on Saturday morning I lay in bed and watched some porn DVDs a friend had lent to me the previous week. It was while watching these videos that I finally realized the difference between erotica and porn.

We, writers of erotica spend endless hours trying to craft our stories – needing to explicitly convey our thoughts to the reader; the makers of porn are rightly more concerned with imagery, but most of them spend too little time on the storyline.

I watched three DVDs – a total of about three hours and fifteen minutes and I only found about twenty minutes arousing. Makers of straight porn seem to be working to the same script at the moment. Woman meets man – woman drops to her knee and sucks man’s cock – man sucks woman’s pussy (or not) and then he fucks her in both the pussy and ass. There was no real interaction between the parties in these DVDs. No sucking of nipples or fondling of breasts while the actual fucking was taking place, neither was there any kissing. Hours of seeing a cock entering a pussy or ass can be as boring as a fart! The unrealistic noises some of women made are so annoying I had to sometimes turn off the sound.

So, porn makers, give us some variety, PLEASE!!!!