If we had sex....

1. Would you be in control? I like a strong man - if you are weak I would strap on a dildo and give you one for being a weak fucker.

2. Would you let me pull your hair? Pull my hair and and I'll pull your balls.

3. Would you whisper in my ear? No, I'd growl.

4. Would you talk dirty to me? That's the only way I talk, baby.

5. Would you kiss me with a little tongue or a lot of tongue? Lots of tongue, sugar.

6. Would you say my name? If I remember it.

7. Would you go down on me? Up and down.

8. Would you let me give you a hickie? Hickies are for high-school. If you gave me a hickie my other lovers would get jealous.

9. How many rounds would we go? How many can you go in one night?

10. What would you wanna do afterwards? Have sex.

11. Would you take off all ur clothes then take mine off slowly? I'd rip yours off - I wear very little.

12. Would you lick and bite me all over? Bite you all over, lick your asshole especially.

13. Would you like 2 play or get straight to the point? Get to the point.

14. Would you want me to take my time? No.

15. Would u fall asleep when we were done? No, when you are tired I would go find someone else to fuck.

16. Would u want me to go fast or slow? Hard and fast.

17. Where would u wanna "do it" at? In a public place.

18 Would u be loud or quiet? Loud.

19. Would you mind if i licked you? You had better.

20. Would you do it 2day? Yes.

21. Would you do it 2morrow? Yes.

22. Are you going to re-post these so I can answer them for you? Yes.

Is your cock not working as it should?

Then it’s time to diversify. A tongue is a useful tool – use it like a lethal weapon! Think about it, why are pussies a little salty? Because they were made to be eaten! If your tongue wasn’t meant to go into a pussy it would be square-tipped not tapered at the end. Trust me, pussies were made to be tongue-fucked!

You have eight mini-penises at the end of your hands. Okay six if you leave out the little fingers – use them. Personally, I think that men don’t finger-fuck enough! Me, I love to be finger-fucked. Matter of a fact, no man is pushing his big cock into me without giving me a couple of fingers first. My current man: he has to give me three fingers before he can get his cock into me. Yes, his cock is big! Please don’t hate! I had to test-drive a lot of small-cock fuckers to finally get this big-cocked ‘freak’. And please cut your nails and smoothen the edges before you insert them, the last thing you want is to cut the woman’s pussy with a sharp edge. When I meet a man for the first time I look at his nails – if they are dirty I don’t give him the time of day.

Don’t be afraid to let your woman bring her dildo or vibrator to bed. She is more likely to leave you for another man than for a Rampant Rabbit Thrusher . Although these fuckers are bad! If you are really brave use to link to see the bad boy in action.

Cheers!

Is your man bored with your pussy?

Men love new pussy, so if your man is bored with your pussy don’t despair. In an ideal world you would throw away your current pussy and buy a nice new one, but sadly this is not an option. So, what do you do? Fool him into thinking that he is getting new pussy.

First, cease giving him the pussy with immediately effect! Sometimes your pussy will feel new to him after he has been denied it for even a few days. If you usually shave your pussy, let some hair grow back on it – it will feel like a different pussy to him (unless he hates pubic hair). If you have lots of pubic hair, shave it – again it will feel like new pussy to him. My man, he loves a big curly Afro (he’s a freak) but I trim my pussy hairs every now and then just so that he can feel like he is getting new pussy.

There is nothing like a tight pussy, so start doing your pussy aerobics and get that pussy as tight as possible. Occasionally give him a semi-dry pussy, the added friction will make him think he is getting new tight pussy. Use sexual positions that show your pussy at its best: ride him, put your feet on his shoulders – whatever. If you are a fuller-figured woman and you can’t do anything but the missionary position, don’t worry - just try to bring your knees up a bit…the higher the knee, the tighter the pussy.

Good luck!

Bored at work?

Ladies, do you have a mind-numbing 9-5? Spice it up by wearing a Remote Controlled Vibro Thong or taking an insertable remote controlled vibrator to work. If you work in an open plan office the hands-free Pulsating & Vibrating Thong might be more appropriate.

So, guys, the next time you notice a female colleague smiling secretly or laughing her head off for no apparent reason, chances are she is self-pleasuring at her desk – right before your very eyes!

Porn

Rather than get out of bed on Saturday morning I lay in bed and watched some porn DVDs a friend had lent to me the previous week. It was while watching these videos that I finally realized the difference between erotica and porn.

We, writers of erotica spend endless hours trying to craft our stories – needing to explicitly convey our thoughts to the reader; the makers of porn are rightly more concerned with imagery, but most of them spend too little time on the storyline.

I watched three DVDs – a total of about three hours and fifteen minutes and I only found about twenty minutes arousing. Makers of straight porn seem to be working to the same script at the moment. Woman meets man – woman drops to her knee and sucks man’s cock – man sucks woman’s pussy (or not) and then he fucks her in both the pussy and ass. There was no real interaction between the parties in these DVDs. No sucking of nipples or fondling of breasts while the actual fucking was taking place, neither was there any kissing. Hours of seeing a cock entering a pussy or ass can be as boring as a fart! The unrealistic noises some of women made are so annoying I had to sometimes turn off the sound.

So, porn makers, give us some variety, PLEASE!!!!

The Bedtime Erotica Trilogy

My third book of erotica, Bedtime Erotica for Men, is now available on Amazon.com. If you would like a sample of my writing please use the Amazon reader to read the first five pages of my debut book, Bedtime Erotica or the follow-up, Bedtime Erotica for Freaks (like me).

To find out more about me please visit my website, Lexy's Den of Iniquity or my Myspace Page.

Love,
Lexy