Penis Size: Nothing but Inches?

I’ve just finished reading two contemporary romance novels by one of my favourite authors and in both books I was irritated by the hugeness of the hero’s appendage. It was like reading about inter-species mating: woman and horse! Both guys were ultra rich and ultra good-looking. I wouldn’t have minded if they were poor, good looking and well hung, or rich, ugly and well hung, but all three? Impossible! Okay, there are rumours that Will is very well hung (Jada, feel free to call me to confirm when you get a spare moment), so a man can have all three of these attributes, but surely this is rare.

I once dated a guy who was six-foot-one, good looking and though he wasn’t rich himself, he came from money. He was intelligent, well read, spoke three languages fluently and had a penis that was barely five inches when erect. I admit to feeling shocked and a trifle disappointed the first time he unleashed the ‘little’ monster, but once he got down to business his enthusiasm made up for the lack of inches. He was a big fan of hooking my legs around his broad shoulders to maximize his thrusts, so as an added benefit my body became very supple.

My current boyfriend is good looking, speaks only one language, reads mainly the sports pages and neither he or his daddy is rich. But he is very well hung. When I told him about my former boyfriend (omitting his name, of course) and how good he was in bed, small penis and all, he laughed as though I was telling him the biggest joke. He wasn’t in the least bit threatened. It would have been a different story if I had told him that my previous boyfriend had had a larger penis – that would have seriously messed with his mind.

But guys with large appendages laugh now because guys who are less endowed are likely to have the last laugh. As you get older, you well-hung guys, you will find that the flow of blood to your midsection required to bring you to full erection may leave you light headed and too dizzy to perform. On the other hand, guys with smaller penises will barely miss the smaller flow of blood and be able to fuck on well into their nineties.

So, three cheers for all the not-so-well-hung men out here! Keep doing your thing and doing it well. As soon as my boyfriend starts getting dizzy spells, I will drop him for one (or two) of you.

WORK WITH WHAT YOU HAVE!

Men are sometimes too worried about their penis size and women about their bodies and not having tight enough vaginas, but what they forget is that the people in bed in them choose to be there.

Women: a small penis can be an asset, so don’t dismiss a guy when he drops his pants and you think there isn’t enough to satisfy you. I nearly made that mistake once and I am so grateful I didn’t. The small-cocked guy turned out to be very, very enthusiastic in bed and more than made up for the lack of inches in other areas. Plus, because he didn’t make me sore we could go on for hours if we wanted to.

Men: the same rule applies to a woman who may not be as tight as she used to be due to age or childbearing. Don’t see this as something negative; see it instead as opportunity to go on for that much longer. Premature ejaculators, in particular, should relish this state of affairs, as it is a less hostile environment than a tight, grasping pussy.

At the end of the day, most of us just want to come. It is so much better when the trip is pleasurable but ultimately the destination (coming) is what we have in mind when we start the journey. So, work with what you have and work it well.

TO 'COME' OR TO 'CUM', THAT IS THE DILEMMA!

Many readers and writers are opposed to the use of the word ‘cum’ as a verb and it is a hotly debated subject. For me it is perfect for describing both the ejaculate and the act of ejaculation, although this is not strictly the correct usage.

The word ‘cumming’ precisely conveys my meaning to the reader without any ambiguity. Just the sight of the word fills me with deliciously naughty thoughts. ‘Coming’ does nothing for me - I use it only in my romance novels or when I have to submit a piece of ‘literary’ work.

While the debate rages on about the proper to use of the word, and since I have never been proper, I will ‘cum’ as and when I please!